Without you I'll be miserable at best....

I met this man, who found me bleeding and insecure. He picked me up off the floor and helped me on my feet. He softened my heart. Just when I thought I was gone beyond repair he stepped in and started mending all my broken pieces. Just when I thought every man was the same he came in and showed me that I was wrong. He was perfect. Just perfect. So whats wrong? Why can't I accept him? Why do the only words that ring thru my head is "if its too good to be true, its probably too good". Why can't I just let down this last wall? This wall that I can't even get over. I've been climbing it for years. I was so close to getting it down and what happened? I miss him, its only been one whole day and my heart misses him so very much.. But I can't let myself get caught up in emotion. I must figure out whats wrong with my heart and come back so strong to where I can love him unconditionally. Just like he could with me. I must learn to trust him with me heart and my life. He has yet to prove me wrong besides for my insecurities letting me down... I just want to be the best I can give him and stop thinking he deserves better and also thinking hes found better..... when really his better was here all along....

23 isn't that old....

I realize that in about 3 and a half months I'll be 23. 23? Where did 21 and 22 go? I seriously feel 19 still. A few days ago I couldn't tell you why I feel this way but now, I kinda have a good idea. Nothing has really changed that much in the past 4 years in my life. I mean other peoples lives have changes around me Like Kellys and Drews. But mine? Its been the same for 4 years.. 4 years at Starbucks, same room. same un-motivation of school. same no good friends. Same looks. same house and same city. for 4 years its all been the same. So I start to think to my self what can I change to make me feel my age? What can I do? I get all these great ideas but then I'm reminded that I'm still makin a lousy 9 dollars an hour and my bills say I should be making about 17 an hour. Even more ironic? I could get a new job but I'm afraid to change jobs.... how pathetic. I guess theses things dont really make me who I am. Its just that I'm ready to make the next big step in my life and I'm ready to do it soon. So maybe a new job would be great, maybe I could actually get my bills in hand, I could even get a new place to live. I'm just waiting for the right time to do all these things and maybe these all could be my New years resolutions. I'm ready for the next big chapter. Watch out!