Without you I'll be miserable at best....

I met this man, who found me bleeding and insecure. He picked me up off the floor and helped me on my feet. He softened my heart. Just when I thought I was gone beyond repair he stepped in and started mending all my broken pieces. Just when I thought every man was the same he came in and showed me that I was wrong. He was perfect. Just perfect. So whats wrong? Why can't I accept him? Why do the only words that ring thru my head is "if its too good to be true, its probably too good". Why can't I just let down this last wall? This wall that I can't even get over. I've been climbing it for years. I was so close to getting it down and what happened? I miss him, its only been one whole day and my heart misses him so very much.. But I can't let myself get caught up in emotion. I must figure out whats wrong with my heart and come back so strong to where I can love him unconditionally. Just like he could with me. I must learn to trust him with me heart and my life. He has yet to prove me wrong besides for my insecurities letting me down... I just want to be the best I can give him and stop thinking he deserves better and also thinking hes found better..... when really his better was here all along....

23 isn't that old....

I realize that in about 3 and a half months I'll be 23. 23? Where did 21 and 22 go? I seriously feel 19 still. A few days ago I couldn't tell you why I feel this way but now, I kinda have a good idea. Nothing has really changed that much in the past 4 years in my life. I mean other peoples lives have changes around me Like Kellys and Drews. But mine? Its been the same for 4 years.. 4 years at Starbucks, same room. same un-motivation of school. same no good friends. Same looks. same house and same city. for 4 years its all been the same. So I start to think to my self what can I change to make me feel my age? What can I do? I get all these great ideas but then I'm reminded that I'm still makin a lousy 9 dollars an hour and my bills say I should be making about 17 an hour. Even more ironic? I could get a new job but I'm afraid to change jobs.... how pathetic. I guess theses things dont really make me who I am. Its just that I'm ready to make the next big step in my life and I'm ready to do it soon. So maybe a new job would be great, maybe I could actually get my bills in hand, I could even get a new place to live. I'm just waiting for the right time to do all these things and maybe these all could be my New years resolutions. I'm ready for the next big chapter. Watch out!

Thanksgiving

Today was a weird day. Mostly cause I had to work and that I didn't feel well. (thanks brother I blame you) and also cause my dad and sister were missing. I woke up wanting to cry today cause I remembered that my sister was not going to be there and also I couldn't help my mom with all the hard work. I tried not to cry on the way to work because I was upset that I wasn't going to be able to give my best at work today. I tried not to cry as I finally got to help mom because again sister wasn't there and the house was quite. And again I try not to cry as I'm writing this because I just read my moms blog and found out she was sitting at home alone. Which makes me feel bad. But then it just reminds me how thankful I am for all these people that bring tears to my eyes. I'm so thankful for all that I have that I can afford to go out and make stupid mistakes like getting to drunk, which makes me thankful that I can be responsible enough to know I dont want to do that anymore.
My mom is so amazing I don't know what I'd do with out her shes the number one person that keeps me so calm and humble in my day to day life . I'm thankful for my Sister and how amazing she is and how close we've gotten, which I didn't think it was possible for us to get any closer but I'm glad I'm wrong about that. I'm thankful for my daddy and how protecting hes always been and how caring he is. I'm thankful for my brother and how smart he is. How funny he is and also how caring he is too. I'm thankful for David who is perfect for showing me love the way God intended for me to experience. How happy he constantly makes me. I'm thankful for Cayden because he brings so much joy to all out lives daily and hes 900 miles away. All in all I'm very thankful for my life thus far and am glad I can share it with the people I love the most.
Ciao!

Threes

(Alright sister her you go)

3 Joys-
- David, hes so patient with me (sometimes) and always puts up with my crazy insecurities. And even when I'm bugging the crap out of him he still manages to say he loves me. I'm pretty sure he's the one (right God?)
-My Job, sounds lame but I'm really glad I have one that takes such good care of its employees and gives me benefits and pays my bills. And for the most part I have alot of fun there, who can say that right?
- Most importantly, Family. My sister amazes me everyday with her love for her new family and its so wonderful to watch her and Cayden grow into a loving family that I hope to be one day too. :D Mom, shes my best friend and is always there for me even when I'm loosing my temper cause I cant find a dam thing to wear. Shes smart and fit (which I too hope to aspire to be) and her advice amazes me everyday I listen to it. Dad, hes great he works hard for his family and loves my mommy. He dreams with me too on what I should be when I grow up. Hes patient and Loves God. Drew, hes my social butterfly. I know that I can always go out with him and feel safe cause hes watching over me and hes alot of fun too. And he does make me laugh even though I have to go pick him up at 2 am from the bars. O and hes so dam smart too i'm starting to wonder where my brain came from (this family or the milk man? :D)


3 Fears-
-Cayden getting hurt and growing up lol sorry but it scares me to put him in the world out there
- Finally loving someone with allll my heart and losing Him.
- Losing my job


3 Goals-
-Pay off the credit cards before I die lol (I was going to say before I get married but I'll give myself a little more time)
-Start Running and or doing yoga
-Put my Mountain of laundry away before Thanksgiving

3 Current obsessions
-David
-Starbucks, not the work starbucks but the drink starbucks when I can just be a customer
-World Of Warcraft (I know I'm lame but its starting to get addicting ugh!)


3 Random Facts-
-I hate the cold. Can't stand it.
-I can't sleep with socks on.
-I love to brush my teeth

TGIF

Finally its friday! I'm so glad to finally have a day off. I've worked everyday this week and not to mention they were all or mostly closes. Which means I get stuck in back doing dishes. My hands are officially sandpaper. No matter how much lotion I use my hands soak it up like they are the Mojave Desert that just got its first rain in over 100 years. Thank God Christmas is coming up cause I'm going to ask for lots and lots of hand cream.
I was looking at my pictures of my nephew last night and man o man I miss the little tyke. I woke up this morning worried that something bad could happen to him and I really started to worry so I just prayed to God that He would keep him safe always. And the fear in my heart slowly dissipated. Thank You Jesus. Last night David and I were driving home from a late night starbucks visit when I noticed a little green car drive up onto the side walk and into the fence. (which I later found out had a ditch in front of the fence) There were other cars around so I slowed down to see if someone would stop and no one did. So I called David and said lets turn around. When we got there this younger Hispanic man was standing outside the car just lookin at it. David and I both asked if he was ok and he started rambling in Spanish. I asked him if he spoke English and he said no. So I pulled out the best of my rusty spanish and ask if he had anyone to call and he said his Tio (uncle) I looked at David and said should we call some one? The only thing I was thinking is if this guy was legal and how I really didn't want to be the one to get him in trouble because of it. But someone else must have called cause not to much later they showed up. They asked what we were doing there and we told them, we also said that he didn't speak english. They checked him out medically and he was fine. But not a single one of them (firemen, EMTs or three police cars) couldn't speak a lick of spanish so heres little ol me asking this guy all these questions in the worst spanish ever. I did however get them the information they needed and found out that he thought he was making the right turn but couldn't see out his window to well cause of the frost still on his widsheild. poor guy. They took him to the station I think to get someone to trasnlate and hopefully took him home. It just made me want to go back to spanish class and also to remember to be patient to let my car heat up. Anyways we made it home safely and had a good night of talking and things are slowing getting better between David and I. Off to starbucks for my daily fix!!! Hope your having a good day.

Getting it off my chest.

Men. "You can't live with them, can't live without." God that is so true. I've been in this relationship for about 10 months with this guy and let me tell you, it has not been easy. I sometimes don't get why women put up with men but yet when we don't have one we're so lonely. I love him. I think I do but then again I dunno what love really is. So how can I really say I know? It's really easy for us lately to fight. thats it. We dont do anything unless its fighting or playing World of Warcraft, which can be fun but not EVERY day and for HOURS (yes I mean HOURS) of playing. Is it to much for a women to ask her man just to want to do something other then that? like a date or maybe go on a walk or shit even go on a walk downtown. Well apparently it is alot to ask for. We can't ever come up with things for us to do but its SO easy for him to come up with things to do with his "boyfriend" ok "friend" (who might I add just broke up with his girlfriend so hes not exactly someone I want my guy to be hanging out with especially when we're "On the Rocks") So fine, go downtown baby have fun. And tomorrow when I want to go out with the girls I hope I don't get any grief from him (which I know he will give, its pretty much inevitable when it comes to me going out) but I'm starting something where I do what I want to do that makes me happy. I'm pretty excited about it. I'm working on becoming a shift again at work which I think will be good for me until I get some money to get back in school (which I will BTW) I recently transfered stores and I'm working with my old boss (Kisha) again and it is so refreshing to have a manager who actually gives a hoot about her co workers. And I've been trying to find a dance class to get involved with, those things are soo expensive!!!! I'm also going to start yoga up again. So needless to say I'm pretty excited for the up coming months ahead where I can focus on making my life better for me and not revolving my world around Men. Today is a winding road........... you never know where you'll end up.

Getting Settled

Well here goes. After feeling a little left out that I didn't know either of my siblings had a blog on the net I am finally feeling apart of the family again. I really just work alot, the last blog I had ended up being my venting place so I'll try not to let that happen again here. Today was already quite interesting cause Mom found a dead squirrel in our back yard which was both surprising and depressing all in one. Surprising cause I thought mollie was to stupid to actually catch one and depressing cause I've been feeding that same squirrel out front for a couple of weeks now. O well such is life. Well off to work which I'm sure will be such fun...