Can you find a friend in an empty beer bottle?

Wikipedia says "Alcoholism is a term with multiple and sometimes conflicting definitions.
In common and historic usage, alcoholism refers to any condition that results in the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages despite health problems and negative social consequences. Modern medical definitions[1] describe alcoholism as a disease and addiction which results in a persistent use of alcohol despite negative consequences"

..... Its been 3 whole months of going out every night and drinking (not jus a drink but drunk).. with maybe a 2 or 3 days of "sober" thrown in. When I say this, SEVERAL excuses run through my head, Excuse #1 "I couldn't do ne thing 'fun' with David, so I'm jus makin up for lost time" Excuse #2 "I jus wanna have fun, besides I have a hold on it" Excuse #3 "Why not? Ill stop as soon as..." Excuse #4 "I don't wanna miss out" Excuse #5 "I can't let my friends down" My friend J recently challenged me to 3 whole weeks without drinking (if I do he'll take me to a Rockies game with Blues (blue moon) and nachos all on his tab), "3 whole weeks really?... sure... I can do it" After those words came out my mouth I started to have a slight panic attack. Then it started getting me thinking, "what the hell am I doing? Can I not see what path I'm leading down? Do I not see the shit its putting my parents thru with my dad drinking? Or how about my brother? Shit how about my Lately passed Grandfather? Or his son, my mothers brother? What the Hell am I DOING?" and you know what I wanted to do? (and did do) drink. Today at work my coworkers were talkin about being sober and alcoholism (one in particular had a drinking problem and did the whole AA thing) and he said this "most the time the drinking isnt the problem, the problem is what the drinking is covering up" Those words echoed thru my *slightly dizzy maybe still drunk?* head, problems? me? Hah!..... WHERE do I begin? My motivation for wanting to move out has been on an all time high partly because of how awkward its become here at home. I want to get on my feet and be on my own... be able to deal with my problems and not let the household problems tare at my heart too. I'm afraid of what my sober thoughts will be over the next 3 weeks. I'm afraid to be alone (found comfort and companionship in a beer bottle, along with all the "friends" it brings) I'm afraid to face the music, real life. And I'm afraid to face the gaping cut of problems I've band aided up with drinking...





First Night of Sober: Realization of the fear of being alone and "missing out"



To be continued....